


Patron Saint

by felinedetached



Series: Rose Week 2017 [6]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Rose Week 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 10:39:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11507679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felinedetached/pseuds/felinedetached
Summary: Her patron saint, broken and lame, and absolutely insane, for learning that true love exists.





	Patron Saint

You know you’re bad for her. You’re bad for everyone, honestly - having picked up your mothers alcoholic tendencies, as well as her habit of staying up late. You idly wonder if she did the same thing as you in the dark hours of the morning - think of all the things she could have done better.

 

That’s what you do. You think of her, and you think of Kanaya, and you wonder if you could have done any better. Your conclusion is always yes, always you could have,  _ should have _ , done so much better than you did, and what you did do was nowhere near enough. 

 

You don’t deserve Kanaya, to be honest, and you never deserved your mother’s either.

 

In the dark hours of the morning, you sit and slowly tear your own heart apart, and you know that if the love of your life ever joins you, you’ll destroy hers alongside your own.

 

She should let go of you, go find someone who loves her as much as you do, but with the ability to do so without ruining everything.

 

You don’t go back to your block with Kanaya. You haven’t done so for a while, and you know it hurts her, but you know that being with you hurts her just as much, if not more. She hates seeing you drunk, but you’re addicted now. It’s a problem. You won’t go back to her like this, and you’re constantly like this. She deserves so much more than you, than what you are - an alcoholic mess who mourns the mother she hated for most of her childhood years.

 

Actually, you don’t even think you really hated your mother.

 

When Kanaya joins you, there’s that expression on her face that means you both stink of alcohol and missed something important, and you instantly feel bad about whatever it is. The drunk numbs that though, and you greet her cheerfully, glass of wine sloshing as you raise it. There’s a raised eyebrow of disapproval, but you disregard it in a way you really  _ really _ wouldn’t if you weren’t drunk as fuck. You hate disappointing Kanaya, but you’ve been doing it a lot lately.

 

She just sighs softly, taking your drink off you and helping you up. The hallways blur until you’re standing in front of a familiar door, draped in fabrics and oh so welcoming.

 

You used to reside here, sleeping in a bed/nest/pile with Kanaya every night, just enjoying the knowledge that she’s next to you.

 

She pulls you to that pile. You resist, pulling away slightly, but she’s that much stronger that your tugs really make no difference. She should just let go of you, leave your hands be and find someone healthier, better for her. But she doesn’t. She pulls you into the bed/nest/pile and plops down next to you, her hands carefully folding over your own.

 

“Rose,” she says, “I love you.”

 

“Yeah,” you reply, your words slurred, “I love you too.”

 

Her sigh speaks volumes, but you're not entirely sure what the volumes are of. You want more alcohol.

 

You really shouldn’t have any more.

 

… It’s warm here. The blankets are soft, Kanaya a beautiful light in the darkness of booze and heartbreak, and you latch onto her and sleep.

 

She’s your everything.

 

But she really should leave.

**Author's Note:**

> [@felinedetached](https://felinedetached.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  
> 
> plz im begging u


End file.
